After a week planted on the couch with Kleenex, pillows, blankets, soup, water, NyQuil, Sudafed, and Advil, I managed to venture out today and found that not only did this week long hibernation inspire socialization, it also woke my inner shoppin
g goddess! I got together this morning with a friend of mine for breakfast and some work conversation.
I should also mention that I’ve been reading Stillness Speaks by Eckhart Tolle… Just last night I read one of the most powerful passages I’ve encountered in months… Tolle explains, “When you completely accept this moment, when you no longer argue with what is, the compulsion to think lessens and is replaced by an alert stillness.”
I am a self-proclaimed thinker. I can think myself into, around, through, and right out of something in a matter of seconds. I can think my way through an entire experience and without actually experiencing it, feel like I have. I think, think, think constantly and it occurs to me that this over-thinking is connected to an overall mistrust in life, and the inability to fully embrace and accept the present moment.
Woah, that’s a lot to swallow, right? Tell me about it. But wait, at least I know and heck, it already feels better to understand that I can remain present and still create, explore, function, and move about the world as I wish. After all, my over thinking is not doing the creating, in fact, it’s doing the distracting. So what do I do now?
Well, today I set out to remain present, to trust the moment, the people I am with, and the gift of the present. It just so happened that my pace slowed from over thinking to enjoying, from self-conscious to selfless giving and contributing and as a byproduct, I slowed down physically from rushing to taking in a day at the mall, the taste of breakfast, and overall, feeling even more f
ulfilled than I have in… dare I say, months? Yeah, months.
A few hours after my stroll around the mall where I found a new pair of sunglasses, three shirts, and a new pair of rockin’ jeans, I returned home and thought to myself, “When will I just allow myself to be me?” So often I allow myself to be just enough of who I am to remain safe… just enough to contribute, but never enough to put myself out there. Have you ever experienced this? I was even jolted by a moment this afternoon when, after hours of heartfelt work toward a coaching project, I doubted myself and out of fear wondered if I could even follow through. In that instant, I could literally feel the energy pouring away from my body.
Not a moment too soon, I thought to myself, “Dammit Lacy, I’m tired of selling myself short. I am tired of supporting everyone else to become great. I am tired of living in fear. Tired of honoring my fears over my accomplishments and dreams. And since when did I decide that was okay?” I sat with myself for a moment and found the root of my longing, “When will the time come that I finally let myself be fully me?”
“Today.” I answered myself just in time.
I share my experience today because so often we live our lives in seeming comfort and safety, yet each night we tuck ourselves into bed and fall aslseep dreaming of being who we really are. And I ask you, just like I asked myself today, what will it take for you to stop and face your fears? What will it take for you to dare to live boldly, holding nothing back, trusting life and most of all, trusting yourself? Is it worth more to you to honor your fears and stand frozen in life? Or is now the time to say, “Dammit, I deserve to live life the the edge of all my possibility. Now.”
To a life lived to the edge of your possibilities,
Lacy
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