I went to bed last night feeling disappointed and slightly off. Not meltdown off, or toss and turn all night off, or write a poem about my emotions off. Just off. Do you ever have those moments? You know, things are generally okay, nothing major or minor really, the day was good. And heck, I spent most of the day doing exactly what I wanted! What did I have to complain about anyway?
All judgment aside, I looked myself in the eyes, placed my hands on my shoulders and asked, “What’s the deal, Lacy?” As you know, when you ask, the answer generally comes, luckily sooner than later in this case. Here goes… I’ve been on such a whirlwind kick of inspiration to complete my website, and move forward with various opportunities, that I haven’t stopped to remember why I do this. Why do I coach? Why do I dance in my car? Why do I get up for 6:15am yoga? And among other things, why do I insist on jumping on my shopping cart and riding it around the parking lot after a successful grocery endeavor? Ah yes, the question that roots us to everything we do was rearing its head and calling my immediate attention to it.
I know better than to watch or read anything violent or otherwise scary or controversial before bed. Why then, was I content with my position only an hour before bed and now felt something was missing? I blame it on my email. I am aware of negative influence, but I hadn’t addressed positive influences that would challenge me.
Just before bed I scanned through my email just one last time to find a newsletter from Michelle Ward, artist, coach, actress, and brilliant blogger. I quite enjoy her. After she wished me a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year and told me I’m better than mince pies, which I’ll take as a compliment even though I’m not actually a big pie fan to begin with, I clicked on the link and watched her 9 minute video. The video introduced me to her passions, talents, loves, projects, experiences, and attempts at finding her purpose, which ultimately led her from acting to coaching. Guess what? She laughed, she cried, she stuttered, she was present and she was beautiful… she was herself. What greater gift could she have given me?
What had happened to me after watching Michelle’s video? I was suddenly discontent after discovering that after watching Michelle’s journey to coaching, I had forgotten my own journey. I began asking myself “How did I get here? Why coaching? Why training? Why Portland, Oregon? Why speaking? Why writing?”
Has the same thing ever happened for you? What do you spend your days doing, dreaming about, and pursuing? Do you remember why?
Well, you don’t know until you ask, so:
Sit down with yourself. Take a few deep breaths and recall the events in your life, the choices you’ve made, and pivotal moments to take one path versus another. Perhaps even write a short candid biography about yourself. Account for the direction you’ve chosen and why… Your values are hidden in the midst of these answers and your values fuel your dreams, desires, and goals. Are there any consistencies in your reason for the various paths you’ve selected? If so, what are they?
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