Happy last Sunday of the month, my friends!
You can thank the friend of mine who voiced her opinion with me today for this post… An opinion that I don’t share and dare I say, didn’t really even appreciate. I caught myself before I ran too far down the rabbit hole and remembered that we all will never think or believe the same. We weren’t made to. And that’s okay. I started to take offense to her position, feeling a bit attacked by the fact that I had hoped to share something that inspired me to new heights and yet she felt offended by it. How did I interpret her reaction, you ask?
My first impression: A lump of sadness in my heart that I hadn’t pleased everyone including her mixed with, “Are you kidding me? The NERVE!” She was attacking me for my beliefs, she used the almighty “G” word to intimidate me and she bashed what I’d shared. She didn’t really know me at all. In fact, she’s always been rude. Yeah, she has no tact. I haven’t even seen her in 18 years anyway. Why did I let her be my facebook friend anyway? She doesn’t even actually KNOW me!”
Then just as my body started to tense up and my heartbeat jumped a notch, I stopped… I took a moment to breathe. I centered myself. I could suppose many things about her, I could even make her into a religious unforgiving villain, but what was the truth behind this exchange we had? The truth is I shared something that inspired me. She watched it and appreciated about 15 seconds of it. It challenged her belief system. She decided to tell me about it and preach about it a bit to me. I realize that her opinions had nothing to do with me.
I am reminded of my experience with a particularly “self-conscious” life season last year. I had decided I should be, achieve, act, and look a certain way by 27-years-old and my entire awareness was internally focused on that due to the fact that I didn’t believe I was that person. I wasn’t yet good enough. I was so disconnected that I had mere fleeting moments of truly being myself. I was a spiritual disaster in a mix of trying to be somebody, the somebody I know that I am. I was caught trying like everything to shake myself of that “thing” that had me in a choke hold, preventing me from saying how I really felt, from doing what I really wanted, from pursuing the careers, relationships, and friendships I craved. Remember, I had moments where I came alive and seemed to know precisely what I was doing. “Yes, this is it!” I remember thinking and yet these moments were often followed by a drastic emotional drop-off like throwing myself down the mountain top I’d just used every ounce of me to climb when things didn’t turn out the way I wanted in the timing that I preferred (which was, well… NOW).
My friends, knowing me as the eternal champion of life, couldn’t figure out why great moments in my life that year were followed by a deep internal sinking. After meltdowns, emotional temper tantrums, and feeling miserable, I decided to chill out. There way no way I could keep that up and maintain my health and friendships. So, I decided I didn’t give a damn what other people thought about me. (Secretly I still did, but I liked to pretend that it didn’t matter to me… It was my way of trying out a new way of thinking without throwing my whole self in).
Then I decided to exaggerate the very things people liked to poke fun at me for, the same things I repeated over and over in my mind and let haunt me, why not right? What’s the worst that could happen if I just let myself be who I am? So, I did. And when they called me out on what they saw as my faulty qualities I called them out right back letting them know that I do my damn best to lift them up in life and they could at least give me the same respect, thank you very much. And a funny thing happened when I did that, they began to embrace more of who they are. They stopped criticizing themselves around me. They began to compliment and lift up. They even began sharing that they teased me about the traits they thought were “weird” about me because they actually liked it about me. Whaaa? I know, it makes no sense, but it’s true.
To be honest, sharing this is part of a commitment to myself to be more of who I am this year and from here on out. I hope that you too choose to lift up and support your friends and family. I hope that you pay attention to the jokes, pokes of fun, and blatant jabs at people knowing that we are our own worst critics. When you tell a joke, make sure it’s not a passive aggressive jab and when you open your mouth may you lift someone up.
Otherwise, like I did today, may you close your eyes, take a deep breath and realign with yourself before speaking. I know many of us want to protect each other in some odd way by pointing out each others shortcomings, but believe me, we’ve already thought about how dumb, corny, unapproved of, stupid, different or otherwise socially unacceptable we are. You don’t need to. As you go out into the world today, may you think twice before changing yourself to imitate exactly the person “everyone else” thinks you ought to be. May you believe that people are inherently good and may that belief attract incredible people and wondrous experiences your way.
Oh yes, and what did I learn from my “season from hell”? I learned that people aren’t looking at your actions, we’re all searching for something to feel better and if you appear to feel better, they want what you have. Some think that by breaking others down, they will get the spark of life that we have. While others grasp haphazardly onto anything appearing to resemble life, love, and happiness. Give yourself and the world the best gift of all, the gift of being EXACTLY WHO YOU ARE.
And as my Mom has always told me, don’t take things personally – few disagreements really have anything to do with you. You will be irrational, crazy, joyous, bizarre, weird, hilarious, creative, professional, brilliant and just plain odd. You’re supposed to be. It is the beauty of life. Embrace it, love it, hug it, and GO LIVE. To those who try to break you down, shine the light, but don’t get too close 
As for my friend, she gave me a hell of an idea for my post today and I sure thank her for that.
To Beautiful, Wonderful, Genius YOU!
Lacy
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