Inspired by the truth that, “People will tell you who they are within the first 10 minutes of meeting them,” I put it to the test. So, as I sat at Starbucks, I looked up at a pleasant gray haired woman, probably in her mid 60′s. She wore white slip on shoes, cropped skinny athletic pants, and a brightly colored track jacket like I wore in grades 5-9 (only, I wore them with matching track pants. Sexy, I am aware). Anyway, I decided to see how much I could learn from this woman in the course of 30 seconds. Here’s what I learned:
- This woman values quality and a strong foundation. I caught her closely observing the granite-like counter-top. And when her drink was ready, she asked the barista, is this granite? Judging by her inflection, she hoped it was. She could use that validation.
- She appreciates uniqueness, expression and comfort. All at once. Her style stood alone. A little of this, a little of that.
- She appreciates relationship. She said more than “Good morning” and “Thank you.” She had an actual dialogue with substance and curiosity. She honored the barista’s knowledge of the rich looking counter tops.
- She’s attentive. She stood right at the counter watching the entire time her coffee was being prepared.
- She’s gentle. She held her coffee cup in a motherly, nurturing way. Fingers wrapped loosely, just enough to guide the coffee, but not too tight.
This is only after 30 seconds of observation!!
Can you imagine what more I could learn? Then I thought about others around me… The woman sitting in the cozy chair beside me, the man facing the entrance at a spacious table set with water, coffee, a notepad, and a laptop with graphs covering the screen. This man was thorough. I thought, “What about people I actually know, what do I know to be true of them?”And my mind began racing, first to my best friend, “Cristina, she thrives on making a difference, she thrives on adventure and thrill, she fears success, she values relationship and uniqueness, she needs to be acknowledged and appreciated for the things she does.”
It’s true! It actually works! How come we don’t stop and tap into this more often? This is a freakin’ goldmine in all relationships! Can you imagine an employee or boss taking this approach?
Your Mission:
What do you know about the people around you? Start with people you don’t know. If you’re in a public place, put yourself to the test. Get all tuned in and then move to thinking about those you do know. I found that cuing into complete strangers was much easier because I had no personal bias as to who they were according to my own experience of them. Then I would move on to my friends, family, and colleagues.
Keep It Simple
Don’t over complicate this, just go with your gut. Let yourself remember the first time you met someone. How did you meet them? What did they tell you? What was your experience like? What did they look like? All of this is incredible information in recognizing the true values, perspectives, passions, goals, and dreams of everyone you know. It’s all there – you just have to pay attention to it.
Watch your relationships improve tenfold. How? Because once you know these important tools, you communicate more effectively and in alignment with others’ values.
To Strong Rewarding Relationships + Connections,
Lacy
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