Self-Love on Valentine’s Day: The relationship you have with yourself defines the relationships you are capable of with others

Lets make this V-day post a little personal. In fact, lets get real. I’m single and this Valentine’s Day had the chance of being one of three things (or all three for that matter, let us not underestimate life). It could have been: depressing, fun, or full of love. Luckily I didn’t let the day sneak up on me like I did last year. I have an unfortunately habit of pretending that the days I’m not “ready” for won’t actually come… I do this with many things that I like to avoid if I feel ill prepared. Like Halloween when I haven’t given creative thought to a costume. Unlike putting on my business clothes, buying glasses, practicing my personal favorite, “Youuu betcha!” with a wink and a finger point, and calling myself Sarah Palin, Valentine’s Day is vastly different. When V-day rolls around and I find myself “ill prepared” it’s apparent that, at least in my current season of life, an intimate relationship hasn’t been top priority.

It is now, but I’m only 3 weeks into my awakened interest and sure, I could get myself a shotgun date for V-day, but really? I think I’ll spare myself the run around after my year long date-free sabbatical. I’ll ease into it without the pressure and perfection of Valentine’s Day. I’ll let my newlywed friend enjoy the Monster Truck Show with her fella, my teacher friend enjoy her bike ride through the woods with her man, and I will practice a little self-love. Yeah, I said it.

What better place to start than right at home? In my own head, my own body, my own self. I’ll take this opportunity to know myself better. I even took myself out to coffee and bought myself flowers! I’m even sitting down to write; one of my most favorite things. I’m listening to Yanni in the background. A candle is lit smelling of cinnamon cream cheese heart cake. Sure, it’s small, it’s very simple, but these are the pivotal moments that make up life. Remember?

So on your journey to Self-Love today (and hopefully beyond)

• Focus on what you love. What sets your heart on fire with happiness and joy? What makes you happy, no matter how cheesy it is? What does it mean to be you? What do you get a kick out of?
• Take yourself out on a date. Imagine you’re meeting up with yourself for the first time, like a new dating prospect. You want to impress yourself. After all, you have a killer laugh and a great smile. You can only imagine what else you’ll discover about yourself on this date. You can’t wait! Knowing what you do about yourself, where will you go? What will you do? Who is with you? What does it feel like to feel so honored by what you love? To feel acknowledged and cared for? … Would you date you again? Good, plan it! You wouldn’t leave your date hanging, so plan your next day/night out while you’re there. Be gracious and courteous now, don’t just walk off after a great date! That’s no way to treat someone. Give yourself a hug, a smile in the mirror and say, “Thank you, you are so much fun to be around! And you know all the things I like! Wow. I had a really great time with you. I’ll see you next Wednesday (insert time/day of your next date).”
• Track your Self-Love. What have you learned about you? Like married couples, after a while we assume we know all there is to know about each other. We neglect to learn more.  We stop asking the important questions that make us tick because we think we’ve got it all figured out. This is relationship complacency and we do it to ourselves all of the time.
• If you’re in a relationship, use this Valentine’s Day to get to know your partner more deeply. Plan to learn at least one new thing about your partner, practice showing your love in actions. Or, if you are into gifts, give a gift (bought or homemade) that honors what your partner values and appreciates, not what you think you “should” get or do. Be authentic. Be cheesy. Be YOU.
• If you’re enjoying the single life, make yourself something you love. What do you love to do? Do it now.

READ THIS, get it tattooed on your palm, write it 50 times, memorize it, do whatever you have to remember it always:

Time waits for no one. There will always be to-do lists, laundry, chores, work, and a million other things that “only you can do”. What you do for yourself, gives meaning to all other things. Do you get that? Let me say it again just to be clear… What you do for yourself, gives meaning to all other things. Take yourself on a walk, meet someone you enjoy for lunch, go to a movie, buy yourself flowers, play in the mud, paint, dance, sing, and play.

The relationship you have with yourself defines the relationships you are capable of with others. Start at home. Take time for yourself. Love yourself. Smile at yourself in the mirror. Compliment yourself for being a great writer, singer, mother, father, daughter, manager, yogi, or friend. And finally, Thank yourself for being here. For showing up day after day and choosing to live, love, honor, appreciate, lift up, and trying every single day.

As for my fabulous Valentine’s Day, I am off to enjoy my flowers, candy hearts, reading The Happiness Project, writing, walking through the park, calling my friends and family to share my love, dancing in my living room, a warm cozy shower, and I’m taking myself out to see Valentine’s Day with my best friend.

May you always feel and feed the love,

Lacy