Most of us aren’t depressed. We aren’t uninspired. We don’t lack passion, dreams or ideas. In fact, what most of us are, is stuck.
We're depressed because we want something more, something different, something better, more our style, more real and true and congruent with our passions and purpose in life. When we know too much, like what our soul longs for, what would make us happier, more playful, loving, and kind, even a better contributor to our world, we must actually go forth and do that. It is when we stifle the energy that becomes us, that we grow depressed, listless, self-hating and sabotaging.
We say we’re uninspired, but we’re actually just scared. We need to summon the courage to push forward to something greater for ourselves, for our vision, for our future. We get “uninspired” because we’ve allowed inspiration in to play and we’ve waited too long to take action to allow inspiration to become our motivation. When we don’t take action, we become captive to our dreams, our ideas, and our passions. That’s what stuck feels like.
We say we don’t know what we want, but we do. If we stop for long enough, get real, drop the judgement for why it hasn’t happened until now or why someone else is far more qualified than we are to pursue and live into our dreams, would begin to listen with curiosity to that still small voice inside us all summoning us to greater purpose and meaning for ourselves.
What we lack often is a plan, a path, support and action to move those dreams, passions and ideas into our life.
I work with clients and talk with people everyday who feel this way. I felt this not long ago and feel it each time I get in my own way. It’s a lifelong pursuit really; the art of honoring our truth, living our dreams, and getting unstuck. But there are clues, there are indications, there are answers and there is a way out of the stuck.
Here are 3 steps to help you get unstuck:
1. Get Clear - We often get stuck in our stories, beliefs, relationships, jobs, and ultimately our lives, when we lack the clarity. Clarity for the kind of person we want to become, the stories we want to tell of our lives and our contribution to the world. To help you get clear, write a list of things you’re grateful for everyday for the next week.
-- Grab a paper or your journal.
-- Fold a blank page hot dog style.
-- At the top of the left side write: “Today I am grateful for…”
-- Underneath that, on the left side, write down the things you are grateful for.
-- Make your list at least 20 things. Anyone can find 20 things to be grateful for today, including you. So get right to it!
-- At the top of the right side of the page, write “I want more…”
-- Underneath that, on the right side, across from each thing you are grateful for, write down what you want more of.
For example, if you are grateful for lunch breaks with your spouse, write down what you want more of in your connection with him/her. Maybe it’s more time like that for real true connection. Maybe it’s more conversations about your future, your goals, your kids, your dreams, or a date night once a month… If you are grateful for your health, write down what you want more of to support your health. Maybe you want to add a routine around exercise or learn some new health recipes that help you and your body thrive. Whatever it is for you, write it down. If you’re grateful for time to be creative, write down what you want more of for your creativity.
Write out your daily gratitude for a week. Once you’ve completed your gratitude list for the week, look back at your 7 days of gratitude. Keep a lookout for common themes in your gratitude and what you want more of. This is your roadmap toward becoming more aware and clear about what you want, what matters to you, what you truly value and how you want to spend your days and ultimately, your life. This is your roadmap to clarity. You’ve literally identified what you want more of in your life and how you’re going to get it.
Now that’s you’re clear about what you want, it’s time to...
2. Raise The Stakes - This is quite literally my job every single day. I help my clients raise the stakes. There’s a reason athletes, executives and anyone pursuing big goals for themselves, has a coach. A coach helps to raise the stakes in your personal and professional life. They push you further than you’d otherwise push yourself. They call you on your B.S. and they help you see your blind spots. A really good coach asks powerful questions, elicits meaning, helps you gain clarity and courage, and helps you develop the mindset to be successful in your goals as you pursue your dreams.
So now it’s time to take all that clarity you’ve go and commit to moving those pieces of life that you’re grateful for and want more of in life, forward. In order to do so, we’ve got to know WHY… why do you want these things? Why do they matter to you? Why will you do them even when it’s hard, even when you’re tired, even when you really “don’t want to today?” The goal here is to find your investment in making change in your life to get unstuck. The best way to do that is to understand what NOT doing it, is or will cost you in the future.
Take out a sheet of paper or pull out your journal and answer the following questions:
1. What 3 goals do I want to achieve in my life this year?
2. What is my plan to overcome these obstacles?
3. What will I risk losing if I don’t dedicate my time and energy to achieving these 3 goals this year?
4. Why is it important that I achieve these?
5. What obstacles will come my way as I work to achieve them?
Now that you know what you want, and what the stakes are, add dates to complete these goals by, tell someone else your goals and request they check in with you so that they can support you and hold you accountable. If you need additional support, get a coach. If you’re interested in my coaching program, email me ([email protected]). I’ll be sure you get the opportunity to apply during my upcoming open application enrollment period. I’ll be hand picking a small number of applicants to coach that I believe are the best fit, who are ready, and who I can best serve and support.
3. Find a Role Model - Change is hard. Believing in ourselves is even harder and envisioning ourselves living into the lives we aspire to can feel daunting. Particularly when we feel stuck. Sometimes I envision “stuck” feeling like standing in a hole slightly higher than I am tall. I can see out and up, but not over and around. I need a plan to get out and someone to give me a boost. This is where you find a role model. You know, someone who is doing what you want to be doing. Someone like you, who happens to be a little further along on their journey. Someone you can learn from, gain shortcuts for achieving your goals, and model your journey after.
Who is that for you?
Who is the role model who can throw you a rope down into that hole and help you see up and out so that you can pursue your own goals? Write that down. Find a photo of them and print it out and paste it somewhere you can look at it daily to remember you’ve got someone in your corner, whose been there and who met success. You can, too. If this person is someone you know or could meet, ask them if you could treat them to coffee or lunch. Share the goals you are pursuing and tell them why you asked them to lunch/coffee.
Be grateful, be curious, be a good listener. Take this time to ask them what you need help with. Ask them their story and how they got to where they are. Ask them if they’ve ever felt stuck and how they got out of it. You have the opportunity to ask your role model ANYTHING… don’t ask them their favorite color or talk about the weather. Be real, be true, be honest and be vulnerable. Most people who have “made it” so to speak, actually WANT to help others find their way easier and faster than they did. Push ego aside and allow them to help you.
Start with these 3 steps. Commit to them and allow them to support you in transforming your life to one of greater action, purpose, meaning and connection.
Have you ever felt stuck before? How did you find your way out? Or is there a dream or goal you'd like to pursue if only you could get UNstuck?
Share your story in the comments below.
We're all in this together and if we do it right, we're better together. Please be honest, kind, vulnerable and detailed in your sharing. Many beautiful souls come to this blog each week looking for support and inspiration. You're sharing may just help someone find their own breakthrough.
Not sure why you are stuck or how to get out? I created this no cost assessment just for you. In just 3 minutes, you'll learn what's really holding you back and exactly what you can do about it:
Get Unstuck Assessment
Cheering you on,
P.S. If there's anyone in your life who feels stuck, please share this post. It might be just what they need to have their own breakthrough.