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Weekly Coach - Episode 6: Good Responses For Dealing With Negative People

 

 

In this episode of your Weekly Coach with Lacy, we're addressing a fantastic question from our community:

" I need some help with good responses to negative people."


If you seem to always get stuck talking with negative people, if you have a negative team member, family, member or friend you need help with tools to avoid falling into the negativity trap, or if you feel drained of energy after spending time with negative people, or you seem to be a magnet to these people, then watch this video for tools and strategies for dealing with negative people.

 

To promote positivity and rid yourself of negativity, apply the following life hacks to your day:


Set your own energy and intention for your day.
 
Like attracts like, so the more clear and focused and deliberate you are about the energy you put out into the world and the energy you're willing to participate in with others, the better off you are. Few people are actually clear and deliberate about what they want to experience each day. If you can be clear, you'll be leading the energy in each situation you enter.

You want to come up with good prepared responses to negative people because you want to maintain your positive feeling and personal power. Negative people hijack your day if you aren't clear about how you want to feel and what you're willing to engage in or put up with.


Ready yourself with positive responses to negativity.

Think of 3-5 things people typically come at you with their problems. Then think of 3-5 replies to those negative things so that you can prime yourself with a response without feeling caught off guard or sucked into and stuck in a negative conversation.


Learn from the past. 
The best way to come up with some prepped responses is to look back at the way you've handled negative people before. Then think of how you wish it had gone. Now what do you need to do or say next time in this scenario in order to get that result? When you end up in conversation with or around a negative person you get to say, 

"You know, I hear that you're frustrated/angry, but I don't feel like this is the time or place for this, so I'm going to go now." 

-- or --

"You know, I feel your anger and upset and honestly it's really bumming me out. I came here to feel good and enjoy this event/my day, so I'm going to excuse myself from this conversation." 
 

You really CAN say that. 

You really can respect yourself and stand up for yourself, your time, and your energy. You don't need to take on everyone's energy , B.S. or baggage. You really can respect yourself and stand up for yourself, your time, and your energy. 

You know what else you can do? You can leave. You don't have to be a kind and courteous listener to someone who is abusing you, your time, energy and emotions. You don't have to try to explain yourself. You can just walk away.


Teach people how you want to be treated.
Standing up for yourself and your energy sounds so brash and so bold, right? But you know what it actually is? It's self-respect. It's teaching people how you want to be treated and educating them about how you and others want to feel and what's appropriate to talk about or not. 

If you don't know how you want to be treated, you'll be treated any which way you learned (for better or worse) or at the whim of how others feel or want to treat you. However, when you're clear about how you want to feel, how you want to be treated, what you will tolerate and what you won't, others will listen and respond accordingly. 


Leave people better than you found them. 
That doesn't mean listen to their sob stories or try to save them, but that does mean, being a leader. It means using your Emotional Intelligence to understand that most negativity comes from feeling misunderstood, under-appreciated, or unheard and unseen. It means teaching them something about themselves. 

Have you ever been in a bad spot before and someone cared enough to say something that helped you feel understood, validated or even snapped you out of your funk? You can use the following list to move people forward out of their negativity and into motion, which always feels more positive.


Use these conversation prompts to turn a negative person/conversation positive:

"What kind of support do you need?"

"Wow, that sounds really, really hard. I'm sorry you're going through that." 


"How can you move beyond where you are now?" 

"What would you advise a friend to do in this situation?"

"I can tell you want to feel better. How do you want to show up every day?"

"What has worked for you in the past to keep you motivated?"

"Give me 3 words of how you want to feel every day.... Do you think if you lived into those 3 words, you would feel better?"

"What can you do to change your situation to make it more positive? ... Will you do it now?"

"You know, you can't change other people, but you can choose how you show up... If you showed up as your best self, what would that look like? What do you need to believe to show up in that way? What is the benefit to doing that? What will the impact be on those around you?"

"I hear you're frustrated/angry/upset/sad... Can I ask you something? What are you most grateful for?"

"I hear you're frustrated/sad/mad/upset. What is it that you want?" (sometimes people are negative and upset and feel stuck because they haven't thought about what they actually want)

"What is the one thing that you could actively do (positive action) TODAY, NOW, to feel better?" 

"What will happen if you don't improve this area of your life, if everything stayed the same?"

"Do you think that improving this area of your life will support or jeopardize the other areas of your life?"

"How can you make today better than yesterday?"

"What does your BEST self -- the self you want to be --  look, sound, and act like?"


If you use some of these conversation prompts to turn the next negative conversation around, you'll be a NINJA at teaching others how you want to be treated, holding your own energy and space, and leaving others better than you found them. Instead of coming to you with problems, they'll see you as a positive force in their life. They might even start coming to you with all the good things that are happening, because you helped them see and be that!


Remember...

  •  You aren't responsible for fixing people or making them feel better.

  • Resistance helps us clarify what we do, and who we want to be... So, who do you want to show up and be? How do you want to feel? How do you want to leave people? How do you want to feel respected? How do you want to feel energetically?

  • When you end up in a negative conversation that didn't end up feeling the way you wanted. Ask yourself: "What can I learn from this?" Then use that as an opportunity to change the boundaries around negativity and the conversations you choose to engage in.

 

Share your story in the comments below the video.

What resonated most for you in this video?

We're all in this together and if we do it right, we're better together. Please be honest, kind, vulnerable and detailed in your sharing. Many beautiful souls come to this blog each week looking for support and inspiration. Your sharing may just help someone find their own breakthrough. If this video helped you, or you believe it could help others, please share it.

 

Cheering you on,



P.S. - If there's anyone in your life who is dealing with a Negative Nancy or a Negative Ned at home, at work, or in general, please share this post with them. It might be just what they need to have their own breakthrough. 


Level Up Your Life. If you are anything less than ECSTATIC about yourself, your life, your relationship, your company, your dreams, or your job, I can help. Apply here to book a free strategy session with me.

 
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